TAE A FERT

This poem, entitled 'Tae a Fert' is a Scottish poem. I got from Kate Green, our wee bonnie lassie tour guide, who was kind enough to show us around Scotland when I was there in July this year.
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Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
That lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
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But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin all ower the place
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'bodys gonnae have tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle
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Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shify yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek
But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap a thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Mighty me a sonic boom!
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God almighty it fairly reeks
Hope I huvnae filled ma breeks
Tae the bog I better scurry
Aw whit the hell, it's no ma worry
A'body roon aboot me chokin
Wan or two are nearly bokin
I'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but rise a smile

Wis him! I shout with accusin glower
Alas too late, he's just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
A dinnae feel welcome any mair

Where e're ye go let ye wind gan free
Sounds like just the place fur me
Whit a fuss at rabbie's perty
Ower the sake o' one wee ferty.